I had a gadget installed in my brain that subtitles people when they speak.

Today, in a fit of rage about the state of the young adult section at the bookstore near our hotel, I bought War and Peace and Sherlock Holmes: The Complete Novels and Stories. (Yes, I buy books when I'm angry. Shut up.) I then went to a Caribou Coffee, because I also buy coffee when I'm angry. Not only did the cute barista ask me if I'd bought any good books and complement me on my taste, after I told him I'd bought them because I was angry about the young adult section, he looked at me very solemnly and said, "As we all should be." AMAZING. He then recommended me a book I'd like if I enjoyed Dune and War and Peace, but I have completely forgotten the name. Of course.

The actual point of this post, however, is to comment on the introduction of the Sherlock Holmes collection. Written by Loren Estleman in 1986, it's...interesting. He has an incredible mancrush on Watson, and he goes for the "Holmes and Watson were real, not invented by some dude named Doyle, wouldn't that be silly, hohoho" shtick, which is mildly annoying. However, this passage caught my eye:

When I first read it, I basically thought, "Whatever, old man who publishes Holmes fanfic¹." But then, with no apparent irony, he writes this:

This is on the facing page to previous paragraph. The passages are right next to each other. I SHIT THEE NOT. I've recorded my initial thoughts for posterity next to the second one, which are something along the lines of, "Hahahaha, wtf, do you even read what you're writing." So far, the stories themselves have been far superior to the introduction.

Also, you may or may not expect some chapter reviews of War and Peace in coming days. Partly for your edification, and partly because I dread Russian authors so fucking much that I need some kind of motivation to keep me reading.

1. No, seriously.